I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Randomize
