The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
