forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
