your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
