I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
