I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I am morally bankrupt
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
