The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
