gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
