If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
