If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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