I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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