I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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