What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
