I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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