I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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