So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
