you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
