who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
