I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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