i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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