So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
