i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
