If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
