Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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