Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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