Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
