it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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