maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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