I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
