2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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