That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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