Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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