He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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