i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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