i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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