gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
