Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
