our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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