some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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