I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
