You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
