i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
