Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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