just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
