Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
