Will you blow on my dice?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
