her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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