We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
