Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize