My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nutella sex= disaster
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
