the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had sex on a dog bed..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
