he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize