I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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