I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
