How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
