And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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