i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
