I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
