Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize