I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
