He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
