did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
