Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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