Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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