I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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