I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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