You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
