And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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